It is the first conversation I have when a couple wants to get married—Are you living together? A realistic figure is 3 out of 5 couples that come to me wanting to get married are living together outside of marriage. Living together assumes that there is sexual intercourse. Same house; same bed; same everything. St. Paul is quite clear: Those who practice fornication shall not inherit the kingdom of God. (Read Galatians 5:19-21) St. Paul is more brazen in 1 Corinthians 6:9 “Don’t you know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.” The Sixth Commandment is clear: “You shall not commit adultery.” This is very straight-forward—no sex outside of marriage.
Living together and sex outside of marriage may seem normal because it is so prevalent in the world, but do not be deceived. Hell is the price for such unrepentant living. I must admit that I am amazed at the number of Lutherans that seem to be practicing this sort of lifestyle…and then I ask where are the Lutheran parents when they are supposed to be leading these young people spiritually? And people always have their excuses for justifying this lifestyle—money, family strife, no place to live, etc. The Scriptures are quite clear. The Holy Scriptures forbid such practice, which comes to my policy: the churchly and biblical way. If a man and a woman are living together I give them two options: Either find separate dwellings and abstain from sexual relations until the wedding day or get married very quickly after confession and absolution. If a couple refuses either of the two options, then I will not marry them. To do so would be to suggest that God gives His blessing to such an ungodly lifestyle. This I cannot do. More than that, I will not give them communion until there has been repentance and absolution, and an amendment of life. It is this simple.
For those who wonder if I am consistent—Yes, I am consistent. If two people are living together and coming to the altar to receive the sacrament then that means that I don’t know about their living arrangement. As soon as I find out, then they hear from me and I have the same conversation I have with everyone. Why do I do this? I am not trying to wait for people to slip up. The pastoral ministry is such that the pastor is put in a church to care for the souls of God’s people. He does what every good shepherd does: if one starts to stray, he goes and retrieves them. The pastor will someday have to give an account to God for the way he shepherded God’s people. So, my stance is an attempt to call people back to God…to call them to repentance and to find the mercy and forgiveness of Christ.
We cannot play fast and loose with God’s word. The commandments are not suggestions. They are commandments! The best example of how a man and a woman should behave is how God brings Adam and Eve together. When God forms Eve from the rib of Adam, Adam doesn’t see this beautiful woman, seize her and say “She’s mine” and then have intercourse! Adam waits until God brings Eve to him. “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made woman, and brought her to the man”(Genesis 2:22). This is the perfect example of a biblical marriage. God brings the bride to the groom, signifying that the groom receives the consent of God. Nothing happens before this occurs (This is seen in the father of the bride walking her down the aisle—the father being the representative of Christ for her good.) St. Paul tells us the purpose of the Christian’s body: “Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body”(1 Corinthians 6:13).
For those who are guilty of such a sin, let me say that the Lord is gracious and forgives all who repent and amend their sinful lies. But be not deceived, God does not condone such behavior….and neither will this pastor who serves the Lord. Let us order our days in the Lord. “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of Grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
+Pastor Kendall
